On Tuesday I was listening to a morning radio show where the host explained that a recent study showed that 2 out of 3 people who call into work sick for the day are faking it. I'm sick today. What has me shaking my fist at the results of this study is the fact that the other 66% of those who took today off from their jobs are out playing. I'm looking out the window at a beautiful day. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, and a light spring breeze sweeps in every so often to touch the blinds. I envy those fibbers who have taken advantage of this day under the guise of illness. There are probably victims of the flu visiting the hot shoe sales, and people with unexplained rashes going boating. In theory, if I were to step outside into the city I should catch millions of viral infections from the dozens and dozens of men and woman walking in their casual dress down the streets heading for the nearest bakery or park. It's genius, just pure genius!

Employee: "Hi... yeah, I don't know what's going on right now with my body, but it feels like I've been buried under 500 bricks or something. Yeah, and I've got this headache that's making me see tiny little red spots and I've started hearing the voices of little pixies telling me to go toward the light."

Employer: "Ok."

Employee: "Yeah, the fever has been raging all night long. I think I might have that cabin fever they always sing about in the movies. I'd come to work, but you never can be too sure if I'm going to break out into a rash or something... oh great... Just did. Yeah, so now I've got this awful, itchy rash and stuff. This really is too bad, I wanted to be there today. I just can't bring my poor body with this oozing rash into the office."

Employer: "Ok."

Employee: "There's a good chance I've infected everyone in the office, I apologize for that. It just hit me out of nowhere, so tell everyone to be on the lookout for all of my same symptoms. I should probably go to the doctor, but I tell you what... I'm going to try and nurse myself back to health. They'd probably just say it's a virus anyway. I hate when you go to the trouble of going to the doctor and it's just a virus."

Employer: "Ok."

Employee: "If I start feeling better before it gets to be too late, I'll still come in. Gosh I hate just leaving all of my work like that for everyone else to do. What a shame. Hopefully this rash doesn't get infected. It would definitely put a damper on things if my leg has to get amputated. There's just no time for that kind of worry right now. I'm just going to stay home, turn off the phone, and focus on getting myself back in tip top shape for tomorrow."

Employer: "Ok."

Employee: "Of course, I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch and be too optimistic about returning tomorrow. I better just take it one painstaking minute at a time and see if I'll be ready to go after today. You just never know with this kind of illness. The kind that hasn't even been named yet because it's pretty new and hard to diagnose. Nobody wants a disease with their name on it. I really better not go in to the doctor's this time. I'd rather get healed on my own and see about letting some other poor guy get his name stamped on this infirmity. Maybe it will be one of you at the office, because I'm sure you're all going to get it in no time. This sure humbles ya right to the ground. It's a real muckraker. Not much left to hide behind when this brings ya down. I'll be in touch."

Employer: "Ok."

Employee: "Thanks for understanding. Don't send any flowers... or call at the house. I'd rather just go to bed and not have to worry about anyone's concern. So, definately let's not have any house calls."

Employer: "Ok."

Employee: "Right. Goodbye."

Employer: "Bye."