"What If I Don't Want Hair On My Chest?"

Why does the revelation that you are single bring on a swarm of condolences? "Don't worry, the right one is out there you just have to be a little patient"... "You know, it's when you're not looking for it when all of a sudden love comes out of nowhere"... "These guys do not know what they are missing out on." Thanks for the self-esteem boost, but before you throw your happily ever after into my face with promises of me finding my own let me tell you something... I am afraid to be married.
I don't have committment issues, I am not demanding or high maintenance, and my bar for attractivness has actually been lowered over the past few years. No, the issue is simple... People start looking like their spouses over time, and I just don't think I could handle that.
What if I don't want hair on my chest? What if I don't want patterned baldness? What if I like the heels, skirts, and handbags? What if I don't want to be running around in cargo shorts and Hawaiin shirts all day long?
So, I have a plan. I will stay single until I start to decay in my old age. I bet if you lined up the seniors at the local bingo match you'd have a hard time telling any of them apart. So by then, it won't really matter! See... Genius!